Family law in practice
How to prepare for custody mediation in San Francisco and San Mateo
Before a judge will hear a contested custody request in either San Francisco or San Mateo County, the parents must meet with a Family Court Services mediator. Most parents walk in thinking it is a conversation. It is closer to a hearing without the formality, and in one of the two counties what happens there usually becomes the order.
The difference between the counties
San Mateo County is a recommending county. If the parents do not reach agreement, the mediator writes a recommendation to the judge, and judges adopt those recommendations most of the time. San Francisco is a confidential county: the mediator helps the parents try to agree and, if they don't, reports only that no agreement was reached. The judge decides on the parties' declarations and testimony.
That difference should change how you approach the session. In San Mateo you are, in effect, presenting your case to the person who will tell the judge what to do. In San Francisco you are negotiating, and the evidence goes in your declaration.
What the mediator is listening for
Mediators have heard every version of "the other parent is unfit." What they respond to is a parent who can describe a workable schedule in detail, who knows the child's teachers, doctors and routines, and who can say something positive about the other parent without being asked. The parent who spends the session on grievances usually gets a smaller share of the time, because the mediator concludes that parent will not support the child's relationship with the other.
Bring a plan, not a complaint
Come in with a proposed week-by-week schedule that accounts for school, work hours, commute and the child's activities, and with a holiday schedule. If you want the child primarily with you, be ready to explain why that serves the child rather than why it punishes the other parent. If there are safety concerns, bring documents: police reports, texts, medical records. Say them once, specifically, and move on.
What not to do
Don't bring the child. Don't bring a new partner. Don't record the session. Don't agree to something in the room because you feel pressured; you can ask for a short recess or say you need to think about it. And don't skip preparation on the theory that the real fight is in front of the judge. In San Mateo, the real fight was in the mediation room.
After the session
If you agree, the mediator writes it up and it becomes the order. If you don't, in San Mateo you will receive the recommendation before the hearing, and if it is wrong you need to be ready to say precisely why, with evidence, not emotion. That is the point at which having prepared properly, with counsel, shows.
This article is general information about California family law, not legal advice about your situation. Every case turns on its facts.