Divorce & custody mediation

Divorce mediation in San Francisco and San Mateo County

Two lawyers litigating a divorce costs more than most families should spend, and the result is usually close to what a sensible agreement would have produced. Mediation is the alternative for couples who can still sit in the same room: one neutral professional, a structured series of sessions, and a complete agreement that becomes your judgment. I mediate divorces and custody disputes as a neutral, bringing a Certified Family Law Specialist's knowledge of what a judge would actually do, so the conversation converges instead of drifting.

Who mediation is for

Mediation works when both spouses want the marriage to end without a fight, are willing to disclose their finances fully, and can negotiate without one person dominating the other. It does not require that you agree on anything yet. It does require that neither of you is hiding assets, and that there is no history of abuse or intimidation that would make a joint negotiation unfair. If either of those is present, mediation is the wrong tool and I'll say so at the intake call.

How the process works

• Intake call. A short joint call to confirm that mediation fits, explain the ground rules, and estimate how many sessions your situation is likely to need.
• Financial disclosure. Both spouses complete California's required disclosure forms. I walk you through them so they are done once and done correctly; incomplete disclosure is the most common reason mediated agreements later fall apart.
• Sessions. Typically two to four meetings, by video or in person in San Francisco, each focused on a set of issues: the parenting schedule and decision-making, child and spousal support, the house, retirement and other property, and debts. I tell you how the law treats each issue and what the range of outcomes in court would look like, then help you find the agreement that works for your family within that range.
• Drafting. I draft the marital settlement agreement and parenting plan in the detail a court requires and a future dispute will test. You each have the opportunity to have a consulting attorney review it before you sign.
• Judgment. I prepare the petition, response, disclosures, and judgment package so the court enters your agreement as a judgment without a hearing. You are divorced when the six-month waiting period runs, with the paperwork already done.

Why a specialist as your mediator

Most divorce mediators on the Peninsula are therapists or general-practice lawyers. They are good at keeping a conversation civil, and that matters. What they often cannot do is tell you, with authority, how a San Mateo County or San Francisco judge would decide the question you're stuck on. I have handled more than a thousand divorce and custody matters as an advocate, and I am certified as a specialist by the State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization. In mediation that experience is what moves people off positions: when both spouses hear the same realistic assessment of equity compensation, a long-marriage support claim, or a move-away request, the argument usually shortens considerably.

It also means the agreement gets drafted right. Retirement division language, the tax treatment of support, reimbursement claims on the house, and the enforcement provisions in a parenting plan are where cheap mediated agreements fail years later. Those are everyday drafting problems in my practice.

Neutrality and confidentiality

As mediator I represent neither of you. I give both spouses the same information, I do not advise either of you on what to accept, and I will not represent either spouse against the other afterward in this or any related matter. Everything said and written in the mediation is protected by California's mediation confidentiality statutes, so if the process does not succeed, nothing from it can be used in court. Both of you sign a mediation agreement confirming these terms before the first session.

What it costs

Mediation is billed hourly, for session time and for drafting. How the fee is divided between you is your decision. Most couples finish in a fraction of what two litigating lawyers would charge, because the hours go into resolving issues rather than into motions, discovery, and hearings. At the intake call I'll tell you the rate and give you a realistic estimate of total hours for your situation, so you know what you're agreeing to before you start.

Questions about divorce mediation